:: rarely me

If you can close your eyes while listening to The Scientist, and imagine what it would be like to have your own airport ending then you know exactly how I feel tonight. I fear that is the best that I can give at the moment - though I firmly believe that the experience is far greater than any witty phrases constructed by yours truly.

I drove through the pouring rain for an hour today.
At some point it doesn't feel real and I'm waiting for the beginning.

Something big is coming. Can you feel it? I've been sensing it for years. It's nights like these that awaken me to the reality of it all - incidentally, it removes my ability to articulate my thoughts as well.

Watch Wicker Park. If you fall in love with the ending, then you can relate to me on this oddest of nights.

:: starting over

I've decided that I'm going to take up tennis. I played for my first time last night - and by played I don't actually mean played a normal game. My roommate and I pretty much just hit the ball back and forth for a couple of hours but I really enjoy it. So it's officially adopted. Next up: cycling.

My current routine is to run in the evenings. However, if I'm going to be taking up any other sports this might prove to be a bit more difficult. I think I'll shift my running and lifting to be in the mornings before work - a nice way to start off the day I think. I've also discovered a dojo nearby that I really want to check out. I think I might do that tomorrow after work.

Anyway, that's it for this weekend. Excitement to come, I promise. I just need to get out of my shell a little bit.

Love to all,
Josh

:: my rerun

I've reached a point where I have too many things to say. I feel overwhelmed when a blank page enters my sight. I cannot look passed it and I cannot see through it. I'm blocked and I'm empty - perhaps it's simply a shift of vision. Whatever the case may be, I must fix it soon.

Keep your voice down, now.
Here comes the piece you never expected.
Never mind the present, the pressure, or the fear.
It's new, it's different, it's everything I've wanted it to be.

This is something new, this is something different, and I've never felt more alone than I do today. Sitting alone at lunch surrounded by hundreds of people will do that to you. For the first time since I moved here, I couldn't stay in the apartment by myself. But, you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way.

I've been humbled, I've been inspired, and I've been challenged. Everything is new today and will continue to be for weeks to come. It's finally time to do this.

Hold your breath and bite your tongue, dear.
I don't miss you for a second.

:: quick updates

quick update on life:

The job is amazing.

The apartment is a bit plain but it's quickly getting there.

quite simply: I'm loving it ;)

:: one week later

It's been a week now.
This is where I kindly ask you to try and keep up.
Over the course of the next week, I will explain to you why this is different.
For now, kindly leave your shoes at the door.

I've spent the past week lounging around my new apartment. Few attempts at exploring the area lead to my being somewhat..."lost".

It's not real just yet.

Work begins tomorrow and I will be on a plane to New York for a few days. I'll have plenty of time to gather my thoughts and begin to tell the story of my major transition.

Something new is waiting for all of us.
I hope you spend the next week looking for it as well.

Love to All,
Josh

:: my own goodbye

If I could go anywhere right now, where would you be?

Perhaps this time it's not as simple as "I'll see you again soon."

Choose one of the many stops this journey may take you.
It's always been Phoenix for Peanuts, hasn't it?
It's that simple phrase that sparked our hearts with the fire that had lead us to where we are. Have we been endlessly traveling through autumn?

Perhaps we've missed the Cherry Blossoms this year.

We've moved away from second guesses and fallen for countless hidden chances.
How many times did you close your eyes and fall on to your covers?
Did you sleep with the lights on for once?

I hope you remembered you were never alone.

I've kissed a raindrop while everyone was watching.
I've embraced this midnight sky.

I still make snow angels, dear, and my imagination still paints me blue.

We deserve every moment of this eternity.
I've connected the dots so please read through the lines this time.

This was always the time we had together that we'll never have again.
Hidden beneath unspeakable secrets and sealed with the promise of forever.
Bury your past underneath a blanket of whispered closure.
Lie down on a pillow of unmistakable memories.

And finally,
Close your eyes and bite your tongue.

The best is yet to come.

:: my own personal preview

Perhaps it was the cinematic blue that hazed my vision.

A gentle afternoon breeze,
A running river flowing through the canyons?
All pieces of this puzzle we've been struggling to solve for years.

I've dreamt of this moment for longer than I've known you.
This is just the first morning that I've remembered it.

A touch of fatigue and a creeping sense of apathy has transformed my covers into burdens too heavy to lift on the my own.
Yet I lift them every morning knowing that this is the end of everything that you've known me to be.

We've tested my courage and I can dance with all eyes on me.

I've been telling you for months that it's coming.
I've been warning you for years that I'm changing.

There's no coming back from this one.

It's the final step at last.

:: beginning our goodbyes

I'll pull the curtains over your eyes one last time, my dear.
We promise it will be the end.
But in the end, we're never fixed.

Count it twice, count it three times.
We both know what it's going to be.
You'll shut your eyes at ten
and never open them again.

We raises our voices loud enough to hear.
As you reach for the light as it appears.
And I'll whisper softly in your ear:

"Remember me from yesterday and don't forget me in the end.
For although our paths may never cross, we'll be sure to see each other again"