:: one week later

It's been a week now.
This is where I kindly ask you to try and keep up.
Over the course of the next week, I will explain to you why this is different.
For now, kindly leave your shoes at the door.

I've spent the past week lounging around my new apartment. Few attempts at exploring the area lead to my being somewhat..."lost".

It's not real just yet.

Work begins tomorrow and I will be on a plane to New York for a few days. I'll have plenty of time to gather my thoughts and begin to tell the story of my major transition.

Something new is waiting for all of us.
I hope you spend the next week looking for it as well.

Love to All,
Josh

:: my own goodbye

If I could go anywhere right now, where would you be?

Perhaps this time it's not as simple as "I'll see you again soon."

Choose one of the many stops this journey may take you.
It's always been Phoenix for Peanuts, hasn't it?
It's that simple phrase that sparked our hearts with the fire that had lead us to where we are. Have we been endlessly traveling through autumn?

Perhaps we've missed the Cherry Blossoms this year.

We've moved away from second guesses and fallen for countless hidden chances.
How many times did you close your eyes and fall on to your covers?
Did you sleep with the lights on for once?

I hope you remembered you were never alone.

I've kissed a raindrop while everyone was watching.
I've embraced this midnight sky.

I still make snow angels, dear, and my imagination still paints me blue.

We deserve every moment of this eternity.
I've connected the dots so please read through the lines this time.

This was always the time we had together that we'll never have again.
Hidden beneath unspeakable secrets and sealed with the promise of forever.
Bury your past underneath a blanket of whispered closure.
Lie down on a pillow of unmistakable memories.

And finally,
Close your eyes and bite your tongue.

The best is yet to come.

:: my own personal preview

Perhaps it was the cinematic blue that hazed my vision.

A gentle afternoon breeze,
A running river flowing through the canyons?
All pieces of this puzzle we've been struggling to solve for years.

I've dreamt of this moment for longer than I've known you.
This is just the first morning that I've remembered it.

A touch of fatigue and a creeping sense of apathy has transformed my covers into burdens too heavy to lift on the my own.
Yet I lift them every morning knowing that this is the end of everything that you've known me to be.

We've tested my courage and I can dance with all eyes on me.

I've been telling you for months that it's coming.
I've been warning you for years that I'm changing.

There's no coming back from this one.

It's the final step at last.

:: beginning our goodbyes

I'll pull the curtains over your eyes one last time, my dear.
We promise it will be the end.
But in the end, we're never fixed.

Count it twice, count it three times.
We both know what it's going to be.
You'll shut your eyes at ten
and never open them again.

We raises our voices loud enough to hear.
As you reach for the light as it appears.
And I'll whisper softly in your ear:

"Remember me from yesterday and don't forget me in the end.
For although our paths may never cross, we'll be sure to see each other again"

:: it's too short to be a dance

I'll paint you with brilliant colors,
Or perhaps I'll even write you a song.

Perhaps it will be as soft as my whisper,
Or maybe as harsh as my heart.

Rest assured it will be unmistakable.
I am not one to go unnoticed.

:: indecent embrace

Perhaps you can wave my late sentiment,
 And I'll overlook the stains on your dress.
We'll call our sins even, equal to the "t".
 You'll even carry a new indifference.

Why don't we dance a slow dance, tonight?
 Or perhaps that isn't enough for you.
Nevermind the innocent, embrace the indecent,
 And I'll carry your head down to your pillow.

Rip away these walls between us,
 We're not going anywhere but here.
Let's father a twisted sheet memorial,
 Please, kindly leave your morality at the door.

:: my regret

It's a feeling of isolation.
Perhaps a lonely sense of confusion.
Given any particular moment,
I would take your place.

Maybe it's the vow implied from birth,
Or maybe it's the feeling I've had since you left.
Let's call it a sense of guilt, or even regret,
That has brought me to this place to miss you.

Come home to us all.
My brother,
My friend.