:: step three

Institute change.

Tomorrow I may take a different way home. Perhaps I'll stop off at a cafe and and mingle with the locals. I may even drive for miles until I realize that I no longer no where I am. Incidentally, that is very hard to do around here.

Today I struggled through a million different thoughts and I wallowed in my defeat against lack of sleep. It's amazing how one's character is illuminated in times of difficulty. More importantly, it's incredible how differently people perceive this so-called "character" and how stable these false notions of "self" have become. Hell, given the right mood I might even believe it.

There are a million ways to approach this and a limitless supply of whit that is bottled away in my mind. You've seen it, you've felt it, but you've never known what I truly meant. Do I really need to illustrate my point or are these past few sentences proof enough? You'll understand it and even relate to it so perhaps there's no need to argue. I'm not here to explain myself.

I want to get lost in cities and broken translations. I imagine you might guess what movie I watched tonight.

:: step two

Moving towards another department seems to be the answer to all of my problems. Thankfully I've made quite a few contacts over the past few months that will help me make this transition. The wheels have already begun turning so I'm hoping that perhaps this will be something that happens fairly quickly.

This is truly a big step for me. I went from feeling completely lost just yesterday afternoon to having hope and a plan tonight. I'll keep you updated on the progress of this but it's still a little too up in the air for me to be posting details.

:: step one

I'm committing to an entry a day starting...now. I know I've tried this in the past but, in my defense, I was going for a creative piece of writing per day...and let's face it, that's pretty hard to do without a decent amount of inspiration.

This will more than likely be a combination of a few things. I'll be posting normal entries about my life and random things on a daily basis. My main goal is to force myself to start doing creative writing every day since it's something that I've been slacking off on lately. I really should be taking advantage of this free time that I have and start writing all the things I've wanted to write.

So, to the 4 people that actually read this...add me to your daily reading list!

:: reignition

I'm discouraged.

After two months of fighting the system, I've been met with a slap across my face every single step of the way and it's not enough to simply watch me fall. Instead, I am kicked while I am down and met with more and more opposition every time I take my stand. However...

I'm not one to bend or break.
 Regardless of the hit, I will always stand.
  I will no longer take the fall.

You'll meet another side of me tomorrow.
 I swear you've never seen this resilience.
  I'll break these walls you've built around me.

Today I'm just getting started.
 :: tomorrow I'm going nuclear.

:: clearing the fog

It's interesting how just a single event can spark enough motivation and thought to remove the writer's block that has been plaguing me for the past few weeks. Perhaps "writer's block" isn't the best description for what I have been feeling. I think it could be more accurately described as laziness and a genuine lack of motivation. But when the mood's right and the music strikes that feeling...I just can't help but want to share my thoughts with the world.

I feel lost. Those simple words contain more meaning and fear than any that I have spoke in the last few years of my life. It seems as though there are too many things keeping me from moving forward at the rate that I want. Professionally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. When I don't write about these things, I don't internalize them. Instead, they float around and plague me with despair and I typically have no idea what is wrong with me.

I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's the overwhelming sensation that I don't belong here as much as I once thought I did.

Everything is a distraction.
I've had so many that I don't even remember what it is I was first trying to do.

"I'll reinvent it all." I convince myself while sipping my second attention-driven latte of the day. Do you have any idea what any of this means? It's a solution to everything and it's more complex than you might think.

It isn't temporary anymore.

Hello, Zee

Revolutionary Networks has officially begun work on a redesign of the Zee application for the Bridge Academy Charter High School. There are six members of the RevNet team working on this and I will post updates whenever possible. This is looking to be a fantastic project.

Short update but it's a pretty exciting one for the team ^_^.

:: when you cross me with corporate america

It results in an oddly formed, restricted, ambitious employee who flirts with mediocrity and over-achievements on a daily basis.

It becomes a struggle to maintain consistency. I am awarded for my efforts and restricted by an attempt to maintain a general system of conformity. Every step is then only a small piece of a well-calculated plan. You can't blame it. You can't fight it. You can only learn and abide by the rules - even if it is only to change them.

Work cannot be given quickly enough to keep me busy. I actively search for new assignments and began finding ways to evolve processes. However, each request for approval or information is met with yet another delay. For all you fellow Neumont-mates, I'm beginning to think that we're too prepared. I'm used to a constant stream of work. Who would have thought that it gets easier?


This is where my life is today. I suppose I'm not one that can remain idle for very long. I need evolution and I need change. Perhaps I'll be rewarded for this soon.