:: understanding me

It's not even a question of repetition or routine anymore. I happen to think that it goes deeper than I can imagine...perhaps it's at a level that's beyond my understanding tonight.

I like to break the cycle, only to replace it with yet another. Perhaps we can think of it as a "chain" of sorts. There's no real logic beyond it, nor is there really a purpose...not that I'm aware of at least. I'm sure you're wondering where this is coming from or, more importantly, where I plan on going with it.

I stared at this page for almost an hour before I felt the desire to fill it. I'll sit here for hours to be noticed, while I'm convinced I'm here to notice others. Maybe I'm waiting for a random conversation or perhaps I enjoy my drink being made when I simply walk through the door. I haven't quite put my finger on it just yet but...

I believe it's a combination of everything I've considered and everything I'm unable to comprehend.

As I've said countless times before, I spend large amounts of time trying to understand myself. I don't think that it's selfish but I'm open to your argument. Maybe I'm crazy or perhaps I'm constantly perplexed. Either way, I think that perhaps my artistic mind is not an essential part of my being. I tend to do things without emotion or thought and they're often some of the more well-planned and reflective things I've ever done in my life. Oddly enough, these things aren't discovered until I take the time to put my thoughts into words.

I think I may have shared too much tonight.


p.s.: I decorated my room today: http://picasaweb.google.com/rnCodePoet/RoomDecorations

:: take me dancing, tonight

You're a curious one tonight, aren't you?
 Maybe one, or shall we make it two?

A slow dance for starters,
 Another?
  Oh, please.
 We'll rip our way through the lights,
  the music,
   the heat...

Let's light up our adrenaline,
 our heartbeat, our blood.
  We'll run across the dance floor,
   and they'll only beg for more.

:: coming home

It's been a pretty fantastic weekend. The ride here was...well, I'm going to go with "interesting". Nevertheless, I absolutely love trains so I enjoyed myself the entire time.

I spent the weekend experiencing a taste of DC life and realizing that it's a lot closer to where I feel I belong than any other city I've been to (save for tokyo, of course). From art, to the beautiful streets to rooftop parties (the breath-takingly gorgeous women that are in Georgetown are also a factor here), this place is just amazing.

I don't know that this is the kind of place that I could live in for an extended period of time, but let's face it: I'm still very young and I have plenty of time to enjoy my life. I like my cousin's two year plan. In two years, we'll have a reason for me to move out there. I'll pick up a nice job, make some big money for a few years and then see where life takes me.

Finally, I don't have a complete plan but I have a little more direction and tolerance for feeling lost after this weekend. I remembered how much I love traveling and in turn, remembered a little bit more about who I am.

I'm doing just fine. Just as I thought, this weekend was exactly what I needed.

DC here I come!

So it's been quite an adventure so far...a bridge is out so they had us on a bus for the first hour. That wasn't too bad - just slightly annoying since I couldn't really get much work done.

Now I'm sitting in the business class section with an angry old woman behind me. She seems nice and then starts cursing randomly...it's kinda funny actually. We're waiting for another bus to show up before we can take off and I figured I'd write an update while we wait.

The business section is pretty nice, I'm not gonna lie. Pillows, plenty of room, ac outlets for my laptop (thank god) and plenty of complimentary beverages.

The older woman is arguing again...

Well, I guess I'll see how much work I can get done. Work hard for a few hours and then it's a weekend of fun ^_^

:: spontaneity and me

I wish I had a clever book to read. It feels like I haven't read one in such a long time. I think I might go on an intense search for one very soon. I'll be in a place to look for one tomorrow, I'm sure.

Tomorrow, I'll be in DC.

Yes, I have decided to take a spontaneous trip to DC. If you know me very well, you'll know that spontaneity and I flirt relentlessly but I just never seem to have the courage to make a move. Before I could second guess myself, I bought a train ticket and I'll be on my way tomorrow afternoon for a weekend of culture and LIFE.

My insomnia appears to be settling down for now. I took Leon's advice and began listening to Eluvium. I couldn't get enough from just the one song so I downloaded the album and fell asleep while listening to it last night. I can remember only a few times when I've been as relaxed as I was last night.

Nothing has changed at work. I'm hoping that won't stay the same for long but I've found ways to make due while I wait.

It rained today. I hope all of you have been able to enjoy rain lately, it really is quite beautiful.

[ music: Eluvium - Perfect Neglect In a Field of Status ]
Thanks, Leon ;)

:: good morning, sunshine

When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake.

This was the ultimate display of the severity of my insomnia. Admittedly it was cool at first - stay up late to get work done, watch ridiculous amounts of Scrubs and The Office...then it got to a point where I'm becoming bored and actually want sleep.

Last night I couldn't sleep.

The weirdest part is that I honestly can't distinguish between day dreams and time between around 6pm yesterday and this morning. On a more positive note, I was in the gym nice and early and running in the wonderful and relatively cool weather we've received lately. I'm enjoying a nice cup of coffee and settling in for the day at the office - and it's only 7:30.

I do feel a bit tired now so I think there's a chance of me getting to sleep early tonight and fixing this sleep schedule of mine. I plan on doing some of the exercises my dad has suggested (Taoist Eight Treasures). Hopefully I'll have good news about that.

:: oh ho! it's a new day

Did you feel the excitement in that title? No? Well...read it again.

As you might have noticed, I'm in a good mood today. Let me back track a little bit and cover what's happened over the past 24 hours or so. Yesterday I was so angry that I could have . I was basically given the ultimate block: I cannot switch departments without the approval of my direct manager. In this particular case, that wasn't looking very hopeful since he responded with "more than likely not for at least one to two years". How awesome is THAT?

Well, in retrospect and in his defense, I haven't been in this department for very long. Wait a minute, that's right...I haven't been here for very long. So even though I've been noticed for my efficiency, I'm not necessarily relied upon. However, in one to two years I'll be a power-member of the team (as stated by my team lead) so it would hurt the department even more the longer I wait. That's logical, isn't it?

I'm feeling good because the wheels are turning in the other department by now and I will be in touch with them soon. I'm also feeling good because my team lead and mentor is supporting be 100% and has assured me that I am doing the right thing.

I'm very good at what I do, I know where I can utilize my full potential and guess what? I'm only using a fraction of it here (although I'm still getting noticed for it...). Neumont taught me how to shine very brightly and I have every intention of doing so. I will not let anyone get in the way of my doing so either. So if it's a fight they're looking for, then I'm more than happy to bring it.

You'll have to kill me to take away my desire to better myself...and I don't see that happening.