:: supporting the genre

I sat out to write a brilliant entry tonight. It may not feel like it to you, but I feel like I've redefined the term. I mean, let's be honest...deep down I wanted to write on par with Max Bemis. That was my first mistake. I can't compete with his lyrical genius. However, in my discovery of my inability to do, I began to wonder what it was that I sought out to accomplish.

Is it the audience? Well, I love the idea of people reading my thoughts. How big is my audience? I'd say I have roughly 4 unique visitors a month. It's certainly not the numbers but I think it's partly the dedication of those who truly care about what I have to say.

I write for the joy of writing. I write because I often have great things to say...and I don't know it until I write it down. In the process, I learn how to invoke those thoughts into everyday conversations. Sometimes it's poetry, sometimes its witty remarks, other times its just mindless babbling that has to be put somewhere.

Today was a great day. This weekend is going to be phenomenal. Utah, here I come!

:: oops, I went technical

I've been spending a lot of my time basically just sitting in my room working on a few side projects. I think I gave up on trying to meet people around here for a little while...I might wait until after my birthday to really start that up again. Normally I would find that depressing but it's really not so bad. All of us can use some alone time every now and then. I'm just taking...about 3 months to myself?

If there's not something to really grab my attention, then I typically occupy my time with massive amounts of work - while allotting some time for reading, writing, and lots of photography. I'm looking for good books to read so if you any suggestions PLEASE be kind enough to share ;).

This is one of those..."update on me" entries with no real conclusion. I could potentially finish it with a "I'm going to go out tonight and have the time of my life", but let's face it: definitely not going to happen. I could go out tonight, sure, but where? Anytime I think about having fun around here I get frustrated because I know how dead this entire state really is. Do you know how weird it feels to admit that I actually miss Utah?

Maybe I will take the consulting job so that I can do nothing but travel and live in hotels. I'm pretty convinced I'm too deranged to be in a relationship right now so I wouldn't be missing out on too much. I'm certainly not living the most exciting life coming home at 4:30 everyday.

I could end up in New York for a month and spend my nights roaming around - camera in hand, of course. I could wander down the Magnificent Mile in Chicago and take pictures with the guy playing the saxophone.

It's a risky career move. It's a risky...everything, really. I've never been one to let that stop me though. Does anyone read these anymore? What do you think I should do?

:: understanding me

It's not even a question of repetition or routine anymore. I happen to think that it goes deeper than I can imagine...perhaps it's at a level that's beyond my understanding tonight.

I like to break the cycle, only to replace it with yet another. Perhaps we can think of it as a "chain" of sorts. There's no real logic beyond it, nor is there really a purpose...not that I'm aware of at least. I'm sure you're wondering where this is coming from or, more importantly, where I plan on going with it.

I stared at this page for almost an hour before I felt the desire to fill it. I'll sit here for hours to be noticed, while I'm convinced I'm here to notice others. Maybe I'm waiting for a random conversation or perhaps I enjoy my drink being made when I simply walk through the door. I haven't quite put my finger on it just yet but...

I believe it's a combination of everything I've considered and everything I'm unable to comprehend.

As I've said countless times before, I spend large amounts of time trying to understand myself. I don't think that it's selfish but I'm open to your argument. Maybe I'm crazy or perhaps I'm constantly perplexed. Either way, I think that perhaps my artistic mind is not an essential part of my being. I tend to do things without emotion or thought and they're often some of the more well-planned and reflective things I've ever done in my life. Oddly enough, these things aren't discovered until I take the time to put my thoughts into words.

I think I may have shared too much tonight.


p.s.: I decorated my room today: http://picasaweb.google.com/rnCodePoet/RoomDecorations

:: take me dancing, tonight

You're a curious one tonight, aren't you?
 Maybe one, or shall we make it two?

A slow dance for starters,
 Another?
  Oh, please.
 We'll rip our way through the lights,
  the music,
   the heat...

Let's light up our adrenaline,
 our heartbeat, our blood.
  We'll run across the dance floor,
   and they'll only beg for more.

:: coming home

It's been a pretty fantastic weekend. The ride here was...well, I'm going to go with "interesting". Nevertheless, I absolutely love trains so I enjoyed myself the entire time.

I spent the weekend experiencing a taste of DC life and realizing that it's a lot closer to where I feel I belong than any other city I've been to (save for tokyo, of course). From art, to the beautiful streets to rooftop parties (the breath-takingly gorgeous women that are in Georgetown are also a factor here), this place is just amazing.

I don't know that this is the kind of place that I could live in for an extended period of time, but let's face it: I'm still very young and I have plenty of time to enjoy my life. I like my cousin's two year plan. In two years, we'll have a reason for me to move out there. I'll pick up a nice job, make some big money for a few years and then see where life takes me.

Finally, I don't have a complete plan but I have a little more direction and tolerance for feeling lost after this weekend. I remembered how much I love traveling and in turn, remembered a little bit more about who I am.

I'm doing just fine. Just as I thought, this weekend was exactly what I needed.

DC here I come!

So it's been quite an adventure so far...a bridge is out so they had us on a bus for the first hour. That wasn't too bad - just slightly annoying since I couldn't really get much work done.

Now I'm sitting in the business class section with an angry old woman behind me. She seems nice and then starts cursing randomly...it's kinda funny actually. We're waiting for another bus to show up before we can take off and I figured I'd write an update while we wait.

The business section is pretty nice, I'm not gonna lie. Pillows, plenty of room, ac outlets for my laptop (thank god) and plenty of complimentary beverages.

The older woman is arguing again...

Well, I guess I'll see how much work I can get done. Work hard for a few hours and then it's a weekend of fun ^_^

:: spontaneity and me

I wish I had a clever book to read. It feels like I haven't read one in such a long time. I think I might go on an intense search for one very soon. I'll be in a place to look for one tomorrow, I'm sure.

Tomorrow, I'll be in DC.

Yes, I have decided to take a spontaneous trip to DC. If you know me very well, you'll know that spontaneity and I flirt relentlessly but I just never seem to have the courage to make a move. Before I could second guess myself, I bought a train ticket and I'll be on my way tomorrow afternoon for a weekend of culture and LIFE.

My insomnia appears to be settling down for now. I took Leon's advice and began listening to Eluvium. I couldn't get enough from just the one song so I downloaded the album and fell asleep while listening to it last night. I can remember only a few times when I've been as relaxed as I was last night.

Nothing has changed at work. I'm hoping that won't stay the same for long but I've found ways to make due while I wait.

It rained today. I hope all of you have been able to enjoy rain lately, it really is quite beautiful.

[ music: Eluvium - Perfect Neglect In a Field of Status ]
Thanks, Leon ;)