It's not even a question of repetition or routine anymore. I happen to think that it goes deeper than I can imagine...perhaps it's at a level that's beyond my understanding tonight.
I like to break the cycle, only to replace it with yet another. Perhaps we can think of it as a "chain" of sorts. There's no real logic beyond it, nor is there really a purpose...not that I'm aware of at least. I'm sure you're wondering where this is coming from or, more importantly, where I plan on going with it.
I stared at this page for almost an hour before I felt the desire to fill it. I'll sit here for hours to be noticed, while I'm convinced I'm here to notice others. Maybe I'm waiting for a random conversation or perhaps I enjoy my drink being made when I simply walk through the door. I haven't quite put my finger on it just yet but...
I believe it's a combination of everything I've considered and everything I'm unable to comprehend.
As I've said countless times before, I spend large amounts of time trying to understand myself. I don't think that it's selfish but I'm open to your argument. Maybe I'm crazy or perhaps I'm constantly perplexed. Either way, I think that perhaps my artistic mind is not an essential part of my being. I tend to do things without emotion or thought and they're often some of the more well-planned and reflective things I've ever done in my life. Oddly enough, these things aren't discovered until I take the time to put my thoughts into words.
I think I may have shared too much tonight.
p.s.: I decorated my room today: http://picasaweb.google.com/rnCodePoet/RoomDecorations
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2 comments:
On the positive:
To meditate does not mean to fight with a problem.
To meditate means to observe.
Your smile proves it.
It proves that you are being gentle with yourself,
that the sun of awareness is shining in you,
that you have control of your situation.
You are yourself,
and you have acquired some peace.
- Thich Nhat Hahn
On the reverse (but empowering):
"Tired Of "Me" - LIVE
You say "Hold on to the reigns"
I say "Let them go tonight"
My brain waves
Confused between what is and ain't
She cries "Groundless and free"
Tired of the water Tired of the wine
Tired of the future
Tired of time
Tired of the madness
Tired of the steel
Tired of the violence
Tired of me
Used steel
Used steel am I
What was pliable in love
Is now hard and crystallized
The intellect is fine
For counting money
And recalling times
That she cried,
"Groundless and free"
Hope is a letter that never arrives
Delivered by the postman of my fear
Update, damn you!
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